Firelight, flame dance
shadow tango, flicker bright
Light, blaze and burn away
the cold, dark winter night
The cold black winter night
of frost, snow and ice
of chilled bones gently warmed,
reading by the firelight
Reading by the firelight
Shadow tango, pages white
Let your warmth envelope me
and burn away this cold, dark night
Life hanging by a thread
Cold and dark, am I dead?
This tiny, cramped space
Could it be my tomb?
Or have I been born again,
a return to the womb?
There feels like a weak spot
In the wall by my head
But I can’t move my arms
So I’ll use my teeth instead
To dig through the grey wall
And out into the light
Where I can unfold my coloured wings
Stretch, and take flight
This started out as a prompt in Writer’s Forum magazine, giving me the title. I really enjoy these exercises and they can make a wonderful change from whichever project you’re working on.
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Walking together
Under foggy street light
While you wonder
How to say goodnight
How to say goodnight
Will it end in a kiss?
Or will you return home
And regret the chance missed
Regret the chance missed
As she fades from sight
Wishing you knew
How to say goodnight
They stood side by side, hand in hand and their feet touched. Mary could feel Tom’s hand squeezing hers, letting her know, without words, that they were one, a couple, and were in this together, as they had been for almost two years now. He turned to kiss her.
It had started as a slow, drunken dance at a Christmas party; his steps awkward, a little drunk and she, not sober, sometimes trod on his feet, giggling. They held each other close enough for their colleagues to start nudging each other and pointing. Tom didn’t care; he didn’t want the dance to end, ever. He was aware only of Mary’s perfume, the clean, shampooed scent of her shoulder length raven hair and her soft skin as he pressed his cheek against hers and whispered ‘you’re beautiful’. Mary felt a butterfly take flight inside and she slung her arms around his neck as he held her, while Bryan Ferry sung “Slave to Love”, and the evening finished with a lingering kiss.
They started going out together over the Christmas period and returned to work a couple. Both thought that working for the same company would get in the way but as Tom worked on the brokerage floor and Mary in the back-office a floor below, they rarely saw each other during the day and always had something to talk about in the evenings. Recently they’d spoken of engagement, normally after a bottle of wine but they talked of it nonetheless.
Tom let go of her hand, turned and placed his hands either side of her face as he bent to kiss her. She held his gaze as her lips parted to meet his. She felt their lips crush and she threw her arms around his neck, pulling him towards her. The kiss was passionate although love had now replaced the lust that Tom had felt that first night but she still drove him wild. He didn’t want that kiss to end, ever.
Suddenly the floor shook beneath them once again; another explosion. The heat and smoke were becoming unbearable and the couple parted. Tom placed his cheek next to hers and whispered ‘I love you’, and Mary heard, above the noise and chaos she heard. She pulled away and mouthed ‘I love you too’ back to him. He felt tears sting his eyes as he smiled at her, drinking in her beauty in the late summer sunshine. Then they turned.
They stood side by side, hand in hand. Mary could feel Tom’s hand squeezing hers, letting her know, without words, that they were one, a couple, and were in this together. They stood, eyes closed and he gave her hand one last, tight squeeze. They stepped off; into nothing and into forever.
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Recently I read an article on 9/11, about those that became known as ‘the jumpers’; those men and women that chose to jump from the Twin Towers instead of burn. It’s estimated some 200 people jumped before the towers collapsed. In fact the images of those men and women are some of the clearest memories I have of the tragic events of that day.
I didn’t know this before reading but America in the main has tried to forget the fact that people jumped, because that would be considered suicide and that is contrary to God’s law. I like to think instead that it was God and God’s love which gave them the initiative and courage to find that second way, knowing there was no way out.
There seems to be a shadowy recollection of a man and woman jumping together but I can’t be sure after 12 1/2 years. The possibility of a couple jumping together, finding strength in each other at the very last, pulls my heart strings, very tightly.
I don’t do dedications, as they seem (to me) a somewhat futile exercise. However, the events of that day in which 2’977 people lost their lives, between NY, Pennsylvania and The Pentagon, were so great that no-one remained untouched. To all of those lost, and especially to the 200 who found the courage to take that final step.
The wall clock ticks off time as I sit in the pre-dawn darkness, a small white table lamp throwing faint shadows on the wall every time a bug goes near it. I turn in the revolving office chair and look out into the darkness, trying to gather what kind of weather awaited my day. I don’t want rain, I’m sick of it. Every night for the last two weeks the only sound that has accompanied my dreams is the hard, flat beating of water against the hard, flat roof above my head.
I sit with my hands in my lap. I look down at them, now almost devoid of colour, intertwined and wrestling with each other, a habit of mine. I want to feel the sun on my skin, warming it, burning my face and reddening my neck. Of all the things I miss the most, the sun is in my top two list. The other is Lizzie, my daughter, the only family that has come to see me during the last 6 years. I see the sun when I see my daughter, all beaming smiles, overflowing long, dark curly hair smelling of apple-scented shampoo and with wrinkles of laughter around her eyes; always pleased to see me. Together we’ve sat and planned this day when I would finally walk from this cell and now, finally, that day has come and I sit at this wooden desk, scarred from a hundred cigarette burns and awaiting her arrival. Even the guards had treated me differently this morning, maybe even those hard-noses appreciate the importance of today.
Before she arrives I have to have another interview with the warden. While I sit looking at my white, continuously wringing hands he comes in, his hands resting on his thick, brown leather belt and trying to smile. Yes, today they all seem happy for me. If smoking were still permitted inside the building I think he may have even offered me a cigarette, hell, possibly even a cigar.
“So Mr Onfray,” he says, trying to wedge himself between the wooden arms of the chair and not doing a very good job, “your last day. I guess it’s a stupid question but I want to ask how it feels. How do you feel Mr Onfray?”
My hands stopped trying to strangle themselves and I look him in the eyes.
“It’ll be the last time my Lizzie sees her daddy in these prison blues, Warden. I’m thankful for that.”
He raises an eyebrow and one side of his mouth, which I take to be a smile, and nods his head, his bulging neck doing its best to escape his shirt collar.
“I guess you’re right,” he says.
After all, how many men had he seen walk out of here, their last meal served at noon no longer weighing heavily in their stomachs.
That long, last walk.
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